


A World Alone

by BlueMoonHound



Series: John stories [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: College AU, M/M, Multi, Neutral Ending, Self-Harm, Slice of Life, depression(mentioned), it gets kinda angsty ish about halfway through and then stops, its kinda really calm., john's annoyed with himself, lorde song lyrics, void days, wow bc its not angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8405275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoonHound/pseuds/BlueMoonHound
Summary: I know we're not everlastingWe're a trainwreck waiting to happen.one day the blood will flow so gladly.one day we'll all get still,get still.





	

You wake up and stare at your alarm clock for about a minute before rolling over and going back to sleep. You slept through class.

 

\--- 

 

When you wake again, there's nothing in your mind. It's that feeling again, and the world drifts absently around you. You don't care. You remember, vaguely, that the previous day you had decided to buy a razor. So you put on clothes (not enough clothes for this downpour, whispers your hindbrain) and you walk through the chill to the grocery store.

You get a pencil sharpener, and tell the lady you're looking for a comb. They don't have any combs of the right kind, but then again, it IS a grocery store. You buy your pencil sharpener and a bag of candy which you can't eat right now because you feel like a void and fuck if you've ever eaten while you felt this off.

For a moment you think of Dave. He would give you a hug, he would try to wash away the void. But he shouldn't care about you to start with. Karkat flits through your mind, but you left him back in Washington and hes not necessarily even online. He's a tech major and he's awfully busy.

Then there's Dave, who went to college up here in new england to be close to his sister, who lives just a few dorms away, and who has real actual depression, like someone told him that and gave him pills and he has actual legit down days and real problems. You don't. You're just an obsessive asshole with a pair of scissors and a liking for pain.

It takes you a frustratingly long amount of time to get the razor out of the sharpener back at your dorm. You complain to yourself about screwdrivers. Eventually, you just break the damn blade in half, which, suprisingly, works really well.

You brush the blade along your thigh – just testing it, really-- and it actually makes a cut, just with that touch. Just like that, it _bleeds_. You're amazed. With your scissors, it took hours to make a decent cut, let alone to make it bleed. Even the pain was delayed with this, and oh man is that a royal pain. You're in love.

You cut up a decent portion of your thigh and test it out on your arm too. The annoying part, you find, is getting all of the blood off your hairy ass skin. You use rubbing alchohol (it hurts more) and then find that only water will truly get the blood off. You're glad you still had a cup of it sitting around, because heaven forbid you have to walk around the dorm hall in your underwear, covered in bloody cuts.

You run on the high of the pain and the easy access cuts for about twenty minutes before you realize Dave probably isn't even here. He goes home on the weekends. Back to Rose's house, that is. And of course, you live far too far away from any of your relatives to go home on the weekends, or even the extended holidays for the most part. You're suddenly so lonely. You want to eat lunch with him, and talk about how you love the rain.

The last few orange leaves on the trees look like fire through your window. You watch it dance, and wonder for a moment if it's actually fire-- but it isn't as active as fire, just wavering a little bit.

Your leg hurts. You have a cup of soup and sit back down. You can't afford to eat anything else today, so maybe it's lucky that Dave went home. There's no reason why you should leave your room.

 

_They're studying business, I study the floor…._

**Author's Note:**

> based on a true story


End file.
